Monday, November 8, 2010

Estoy sintiendo el deseo...

I suppose it was about three years ago that I started this blog.  I think that I only blogged about 12 times, and eventually deleted it.  Much to my surprise, I found today that all my info was still archived.  Scary thing, that Internet!

Pero bueno, creo que había borrado todos los posts, which is fine, because I feel like my blog was kinda stiff.  Well, I'm kinda stiff.  I'm a very serious person, although me gusta divertirme, pero soy muy perfeccionista y muy serio y I think that comes across in my writing.  Hopefully this will be a little more "me". 

For those who don't read Spanish, o para los que no read English tampoco, I apologize in advance.

Ahora, últimamente he pensado bastante en el cambio que Dios quiere hacer en cada uno de nosotros.  Nos ama y quiere que le obedezcamos, and that means in everything.  He wants to change us for the better.  ¿Por qué siempre lo rechazo?  En mi corazón, tal vez no, but with my acciones, sí lo hago.  Because I don't always obey.

Life is an adventure; ¿por qué no la vivo así entonces?  Why do I have to always get so hung up en los detalles?  I remember in 2000 my buddy Ryan Zeeb from Taylor U loaned me a book that has pretty much come to be a cliché in the Christian world: Wild at Heart.  It was a decent book, y aunque I was never one for too much adventure, it made at least a small impact on me.  I would like to read it de nuevo.

My mixed blessing is that I am definitely a Martha in the flesh (there I go with Christianese again--que Dios me ayude), but I feel like a Mary (or a David) in my heart.  My spiritual giftings lie in the realm of serving and administration.  Do, do, do.  Always doing something, and accomplishing nothing, or at least not much.  Un día estaba leyendo la Biblia and I felt like God just socked me in the jaw.  I didn't know what to think of this little jewel I found in Proverbs 13:4:  "El alma del perezoso desea, y nada alcanza; Mas el alma de los diligentes será prosperada."  It doesn't hit in the same way in English, so let me basically translate el sentido aquí:  The soul of the lazy man wishes/desires, and reaches/accomplishes nothing; but the soul of the diligent man will prosper.  O sea, how it hit me is that, I often tell God that I want to do something, or will do it, but then I don't get around to it.  I am the Martha that is always doing, and never reaching any goal; always starting and never finishing.

How can I change that?  Here, I could come up with all kinds of Christian things to say, like, "Let Go, Let God"...but, that sticks me en el mismo lugar, thinking/planning/wishing, and not accomplishing much.  I need a plan of action, and this action is radical, taboo, and talked about, but never reeeeaaaalllly done.  It's kind of out there...but here goes...

Fasting and praying.

Ayuno y oración.  Yep, those three little words; it's as if I were a crazy man talking...or, perhaps, solamente hablando, y no haciendo.

It's hard to describe oneself in un solo párrafo.  In the little spot on my blog page where it says "Interests"...I'm interested in everything.  Not kidding.  I could write about my interests for days.  Anyway, I mentioned in the "Books" section The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.  The most interesting thing about that book for me was that Shane wanted an internship with Mother Teresa, so he found a way to call her on the phone, in the middle of the night.  She told him, "Come," and he went.  It would have been much harder for me to do that back in the day, pero todavía se me haría difícil, because I'm not that spontaneous.  I freak out if things aren't planned, even though I don't plan my own life, and if there is a plan, I never follow it.

I was watching Tim Burton's new Alice in Wonderland tonight, and two things that Alice said jumped out at me.  The first, "You could always paint the roses red."  The second, "Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast."  Oh, to think like a child, like an adventurer, like a Mary instead of a Martha!  (Pero, gracias Señor por quien soy.)

I need to be diligent.  And inventive.  And crazy!  I need to be creative and innovative.  I said NEED.  I'm not negative, I'm a positive person, I'm just...too serious. 

Perfectionism gets in the way of creativity for imperfect beings like us.

Ayúdame Señor.